Ever wondered which parts of you are truly you—the unchanging core that stays the same no matter what—versus the parts that can evolve with the right mindset? I’ve been told more than once that I have a “strong character,” meaning I don’t change my entire personality so easily. And while that sounds flattering, it’s always left me wondering—how do people actually see me?
Curious, I started asking around.
One person confidently said, “Well, you’re kind. You like helping others. You’re pretty quiet and choose your words carefully, so you’re a really chill person to talk to.”
Another took a moment to think before responding, “I know you love Brent Faiyaz, you’re into style, and you have a sarcastic sense of humor. You actually talk a lot—and your energy lights up the people around you.”
So… which version is the real me? The answer is both—and neither. They’re not wrong, but they don’t capture the full picture either. Why? Because everyone sees you through their own lens—each perspective is just a fragment of the whole.
The Many Versions of “You”
With all these perspectives floating around, it’s tempting to ask: Which one is the real me? Initially, I thought, obviously, my own perception is the truest. But then I hit a mental roadblock.
Some days, I’m quiet and introspective; other days, I’m bursting with stories and jokes. Sometimes I’m soft and empathetic; other times, I’m nonchalant and unbothered by almost everything. And let’s not even talk about the days when my makeup isn’t cooperating—because suddenly, I’m a whole different person.
One week, I’m ultra-productive and full of energy, feeling like the epitome of discipline. The next? I can barely drag myself out of bed because, honestly, binge-watching my favorite series sounds way more appealing.
So, who am I? Am I the hardworking go-getter or the person who loves to relax and recharge? The answer, once again, is both.
The Labels We Give Ourselves
We often define ourselves through labels—talents, skills, and personality traits we think are set in stone. But are they really?
Take my experience with languages. Growing up, I struggled with them. Accents felt impossible, and grammar rules seemed like a personal attack. But then something changed—I started believing I could be good at languages. It wasn’t a conscious effort at first; it just happened when I developed a deep love for English. And guess what? Over time, I improved in not just one, but four languages, in both grammar and fluency.
So, was I always “bad” at languages? Clearly not. And this realization made me wonder—how many of the traits we think are fixed are actually just stories we tell ourselves?
Is There Such a Thing as a “True Self”?
Now, here’s the big question: Is there really a ‘self’ that stays the same through it all?
Honestly? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. And the beauty of it is—we don’t need one.
Think about it. The moment you try to pinpoint who you are, that version of you already belongs to the past. New thoughts emerge, new decisions are made, and your actions evolve in real-time. We are constantly changing, adapting, and growing. In that sense, the idea of a fixed “self” is an illusion.
But on the flip side, there’s also a part of us that feels undeniably ours. Our passions, our unique quirks, our instinctive likes and dislikes—they all suggest there is something inherently “us” that has been present all along. Whether it’s shaped by our environment, experiences, or something deeper—who’s to say?
Building Yourself Instead of “Finding” Yourself
People often talk about “finding yourself,” but what if the real magic lies in building yourself instead?
You can’t “find” something that doesn’t fully exist yet. Instead, use your past experiences—your passions, lessons, and even the struggles you’ve overcome—as a foundation. Then, take that knowledge and intentionally shape the person you want to become.
You have the power to create the version of yourself that aligns with your desires, values, and dreams. And that, in itself, is what gives you a strong character.
Embracing All Your Versions
At the end of the day, remember this: you’re made up of many versions, and that’s okay. Slipping into different moods and behaviors doesn’t mean you’re “losing” yourself—it means you’re discovering yourself. Just like a tree grows more branches over time, your personal growth reveals new sides of you that were always there, waiting to be explored.
So, instead of stressing over finding the “real” you, embrace the journey of becoming. Because the most exciting part? You’re never just one thing—you’re everything you choose to be.
See my latest blog <3: Game On: How to Build a Life Worth Winning – RomComToMe